Episteme

I don't get the same feeling in the center of my stomach that used to when I traveled as a teenager. At sixteen, the world seemed so hopelessly small, consisting of overbearing parents, awful high school classes, and a suburban town so sprawling and boring, I am terrified to go back still. OK, my life isn't exactly like a Richard Yates novel, not yet anyway, but my point is this tremulous, excited feeling I now lack when I get ready to board a plane to some place I've been before.

I think that's mostly because I fancy myself a very smart person indeed, who sees all the similarities of how everyone every where lives - see how smart I am? Or maybe it's the dreaded airport security or just being discontent about a lot. I don't really know. But what it does mean when I hit the road is that I must try harder to see beyond my own perceived notions of the world and let the new environment tell me what I should know.

In going to Mexico City, the new environment told me a lot and my notes are pitifully inadequate because I was lazy and on vacation. But going to Mexico is a trip that is especially important for Americans because we are in the midst of a hyperbolic immigration debate and unfortunately, like the Chinese, Americans love to hate on Mexicans, who provide them with cheap services, food and day care, among so many other things.

My one week trip hardly makes me an expert but it showed me why people who want to change their lives or their children's futures would want to leave for the United States. It also showed me why so many Mexicans who do come to the US to work also want to return to their home country - it's an amazing place. A part of me wishes my time there wasn't spent thinking about something like immigration, but for me it was inescapable, especially coming from California, where so many Mexicans end up.

It is a country of three cultures and I would love to talk to somebody about what that means for the modern Mexican. My study of indigenous cultures in Mexico began and ended in the sixth grade so I was woefully unprepared for all the beautiful artifacts and art I saw at places like the National Anthropological Museum or even contemporary works at Bellas Artes.

But Kim made some good points about how both the United States and Mexico benefit from having Mexicans earn about $5 per day and still have to pay for things like public education. That's institutionalized poverty. But every where in Mexico City - on the buses, metro, streets - people are working, selling their music (or pirated music), their wares, their food, whatever. Everyone is a business person and everyone is doing something to make ends meet.

Seeing all this energy, traveling with my boyfriend, practicing my really terrible Spanish, made me feel like a different person. It did make me feel like I did nearly ten years ago and traveling. I also didn't feel completely separated from the culture and could enjoy being a visitor but not feeling too much like a tourist (though I looked perfectly the part).

And thanks to Kim for being there, taking me in, and teaching me, too.

Posted by Dawn at 08:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The truth is, I dreaded the big 3-0. I counted down every single day until my birthday, plugging age 29 into the exercise machines with relish every time I went to the gym. I felt like I wasn't going to be able to fit into this new age group, that I was still different, that I didn't want to explore this new stage life had to offer.

You could chalk it all up to the power of youth, feeling like you'll lose your charm, or your strength, or you'll soon be old and wrinkled, or whatever. But for me, and I think for many others, 30 is also a time to evaluate yourself, which can be quite oppressive. You start to say, who am I now, and what have I accomplished? Is it good enough for someone my age? What are my peers doing, and am I as good as them? Am I as smart, and have I used my life in the way I should have up to now?

Well, that's where it gets tough, because what we do with our lives is really up to us, and so is how we judge our own progress. I think 30 can be rough because of a mixture of youth-worship and being overly self-critical, but it's really nice when you can sit back and feel like everything is actually going just as planned.

Another perk that I wouldn't have expected was that I began to feel less intimidated by the other 30-somethings around me, who had always seemed more experienced, making me yield to them in this girlish sort of way. But now, aside from the fact that girly behavior is pretty inappropriate at this point, I have a sense that when people push me, I'll push back, because I've come to value the experience that I've got under my belt.

That's what started to happen to me when the big 3-0 hit. On the day itself I was still a little apprehensive, and it helped a whole lot that I had a wonderful party with all my friends, including a certain visitor named Dawn! We chatted and drank into the wee hours, and I started to feel that I was in a good place, where I could continue to grow and be happy for a while.

Posted by Kim at 04:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)